only backgroundI'm a wife, mother and grandmother. I'm opinionated. I contradict myself frequently. Most of all, I love my kids. I believe in them. I fight for them. They're weird and wonderful. If you want to know more, here's a bunch of other stuff from my old site.
A letter to my son’s addiction
- by Marisa
- May 28, 2004
Had to do this in group family therapy. We listened as one boy read a letter from his addiction that begam, “My Dear Friend”. Then we parents had to respond with a letter to our child’s addiction. After we wrote, I sat and listened to the heartfelt letters or the other parents. They wrote about the awful things the addiction made their kids do. I didn’t want to read mine but my son pleaded with me. My letter was not poignant like the others. It wasn’t tearful or heart wrenching. My letter was angry. The more I wrote, the more pissed off I got.
This is what I wrote.
So, Mr. Addiction, you have the audacity to address my son as “friend?” I don’t think so. Do you think we are stupid???
You abducted my child, lured him away with your lies and empty promises. You tried to destroy his courageous heart and giving spirit. For a while you succeeded.
But I’m not giving up without a fight. Even more important, my son is fighting you now. You’ve never seen anyone as strong as my son – especially with me behind him.
I spent way too much time focusing my anger in all the wrong directions. I’m not angry at the schools or the teachers anymore. I’m not angry with my son’s friends or the rehab center. I’m not even angry with the probation officer now. I know that you are the evil one and you are the one who will bear my wrath.
You are a filthy parasite sucking life and love out of those who believe you. You’ve put fear into the eyes of my younger children and heartbreak into the very soul of my family. You are the cause of my cries of hopelessness. You’ve refused to let go.
But you are a coward. You are not welcome here so fuck off!
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I think that’s a great letter, and probably cathartic as well.
Sorry you’re going through all this.
You GO girl!!!! That’s a fantastic letter, something that let you vent your anger. And absolutely great that you have. This place Nick as at sounds wonderful. I am so, so glad that it’s working!
Cathartic, yes.
Don’t know why I’m going through this but I know that everything in my life has led to something bigger and better. I’m sure this has a purpose. Just can’t figure out for the life of me what that purpose is yet.
Gateway Rehab is wonderful. They’ve done amazing work with Nick. He reminded me tonight, though, that it only works because he wants it to. No program can cure the disease of addiction if the addict doesn’t want to get well. That’s a lesson I’ve learned before but too often forget. (If you know what I mean.)
Bless you darlin’, I am with you on this one! You might have added the assholes who provided the shit to him too, tho.
Ah, yes. They’re everywhere, you know. Many are well over the age of 18, still living at home. Their parents are some of the ones who say nasty things about my son.
But that part of my anger is gone, too. My son could have said no. He could have walked away. Addiction is his disease and he will find a way to get high no matter what, if he wants to. Shoot, when his drug of choice wasn’t available, he bought canned air and huffed it. He says he’s a garbage addict – anything that’s available. How sad is that?
it is sad and what I said does not take away from your son’s complicity in his addiction…just that there are others who facilitate directly and they should be brought to the fore as well.
Well written.
Thanks.
This was a great choice for the carnival. I am glad to know that your son is doing better now.
[...] Marisa Marisa’s Dandelion Patch has more than a little patch of anger as Marisa writes directly to her son’s addiction. he is no longer suffering with the addiction. I guess that thing listened when it knew it’s time was up. Warning: A little explicit language at the very end. Worth reading so shield your eyes on the last sentence. [...]
(((hugs)))
Great letter.
My prayers are with you. Addiction is one of the true dark evils in this world. May your son break its hold and move on into the sunlight.
That was awesome, Scorpy! I’m so glad you fought the fight and won!
I had no idea you were going through this, my friend. Having come of age in the seventies, I saw the drug culture applauded as a lifestyle of choice, an expression of free choice. I watched as friend after friend self-destructed and saw both of my brothers succumb to “harmless, non-addictive recreational use” of various substances. Hogwash! Neither of them ever matured beyond the level of juvenile boys playing silly and dangrous games. I was still naive enough at seventeen that I couldn’t see the warning signs in my future husband, who had come back from Nam addicted to heroin.
I celebrate with you that your son, with help from you and others, has made the decision to opt out and reclaim his life! I’m holding all of you in my thoughts and I salute his strength and resolve.
This is a great letter, Marisa. *hugs*
Huge hugs coming your way, hon. What strength you demonstrate in this battle for your son.